Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Give your kids a hug and tell them you love them….

I wish I could say that my growing up was with the picture perfect family. By no means did I have a bad life. But I lacked a lot of the small things that maybe some people who did get them to for granted. My mom was always the one who made the rules. Was extremely hard on me, etc, etc , etc. My dad on the other hand was the one that was nurturing, helpful and loving. Now a little background on my mom is that she was raised in an orphanage. My grandparents died in an auto accident very early in her life. This left my mom and her sister with no family to live with. So I hear many stories about how they shaved their heads so they would not get lice. They ate once a day. And the food was horrible. They never felt any love from the staff. And that it was the worst living situation for a child. My dad on the other hand grew up the second oldest of 4. And had both of his parents. He came to Canada from Hungary with my grandparents early in his life. My grandparents worked hard to put three square meals on the table for all the kids. My grandmother was very loving. My grandfather was the enforcer. So both had very different lives. Which is maybe what contributed to my experiences and the roles I said they played in my growing up? I grew up in Sothern California. In the Valley. And yes I said my fair share of "totally’s" and "gag me with a spoon". I have a sister who is 16 years older than me. So by the time I was 2 she was out of the house. So it was kind of like I did not have a sister. To this day we are not very close (sad to say and again something I wish was reflective of the “Perfect Family”). Now my mom was not the lovey dovey type. I can’t really think of any time where she wanted to cuddle with me as a child. Where she reached out to hug me. Or gave me a hug and kiss before she made me walk to school. I also don’t remember her saying I love you very much either. Now don’t get me wrong, she gave me a hug and said I love you once in awhile. But not like you should to a child. So now as an adult I occasionally long for a warm embrace or just flat out attention. From my husband or kids (my littlest one “Tai” is always up for cuddle time from Mommy). I also occasionally get really weird about making sure I am telling everyone I Love them. And hearing it back from them is very important. My dad was also not lovey dovey. But I think we expect it more from a mom then a dad. Although the relationship I see my husband and 9 year old daughter is still unlike mine was. My mom is getting older (low 70’s) and she has been through some major health scares in the past couple years. Including a triple bypass. I thought after that close call with the white light two years ago that she would maybe realize that she should never take a moment for granted with her children. But it has not changed a thing. She has remained the same person who shy’s from hugs. Does not say I Love You. But say’s “I love you too”. If you say it first. I think the thing I need to remember is that even though I may not have had a lot of hugs and I love you’s when I was young, does not mean I can’t stop the cycle. I vow to hug and kiss and tell my children and husband I love them. Because even though my kids might say in the future I wish I had the “Perfect Family”, it won’t be because I did not hug and kiss and tell them I loved them more.

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